


Realizations and Decisions

by krysnel_nicavis



Series: Imperius Trilogy [2]
Category: Adam Lambert (Musician), American Idol RPF, Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Kris Allen (Musician)
Genre: Angst, Bromance, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mind Rape, Rape, Sexual Assault, Wordcount: 1.000-3.000
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-02-23
Updated: 2011-02-23
Packaged: 2017-10-21 13:19:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,991
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/225621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/krysnel_nicavis/pseuds/krysnel_nicavis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Being killed by someone you love who is under the Imperius Curse isn’t the worst thing that can happen. Kradam. Kris’ POV</p>
            </blockquote>





	Realizations and Decisions

**Author's Note:**

> Author's Note1: AU (Alternate Universe); WARN: Slash, Non-Con;
> 
> Author’s Note2: Part of the Imperius Trilogy. Companion fic to “The Voice”.
> 
> Author’s Note3: These dark fics are difficult for me to write but I see it as a challenge to get myself to write about things that disturb me (I can read it no problem but generating out of my own imagination is something else entirely.)

_Kris stared in disbelief at the television as the newscaster mentioned the recent break-up of Adam Lambert from his three year boyfriend Drake LeBry.  Sure they’d broken up before but that was years ago before Adam’s first album release.  After this long everyone figured they were the genuine article._

_Kris wondered how his friend was holding up.  Last he’d heard from Adam about it the two were fine, they were having a few small problems but were working through them._

_Kris began to worry about how his friend would handle the break-up._

-o0o-

Kris sat in front of the keyboard set up in his hotel room just staring down at the keys like he’d been doing for the past hour or so.

He’d been doing this nearly every night and was guiltily glad that Katy hadn’t accompanied him on this tour.  At least she couldn’t question him as frequently about why he and Adam weren’t on speaking terms anymore.  In theory playing the keyboard on his time off was supposed to give him something to do instead of think but thinking was all he could do.

Ever since his disastrous impromptu trip to London almost half a year ago Kris had become withdrawn.  It wasn’t noticeable at first when he got back home and went into the studio to work on his next album almost immediately.  But overtime he began to pull away from everyone around him.  Even his wife.

What could he say?  Or do?  What could change what had happened?

How was he supposed to deal with it all?

In the beginning he’d curled up in whatever hotel bed he was sleeping in and cried himself to sleep.  Sobs wracked his body as he relived every agonizing second of that… encounter.  But his tears had long since run dry and, in their wake, were left a broken spirit and an empty shell.

-o0o-

_It was obvious to everyone that Adam wasn’t handling the break-up very well.  Kris thought that was to be expected, especially considering Adam’s ex was reportedly engaged to someone else by now.  It had been six months and, through fan and paparazzi photos Kris could clearly see that Adam was just drifting._

_Many people thought that Adam’s album release and new world tour would offer the glam rocker a good distraction from his personal troubles.  And while everyone else bought into the façade Adam was keeping up, Kris could see through all the bull and read what was really going on._

_Sure, Adam was always dressed the part, had his make-up done perfectly, was decked out in all the right jewellery and what-not.  He always smiled for photos when he was expected to, but no one seemed to realize that the smiles never reached his eyes.  His apparent happiness wasn’t genuine.  This more than anything was the reason that one day, without warning, Kris decided to purchase a plane ticket to Adam’s next venue.  Adam was just finishing off the North American leg of his tour and would be kicking off in Europe starting in London._

_Kris made sure to have a room booked on the same floor as Adam and watched through the window as Adam’s bus pulled up in front of the hotel to let him and his band off.  The paparazzi were crowding the entrance and Adam was quickly hustled into the building by his bodyguards.  He looked tired even from this distance._

_Kris waited near his hotel room door until Adam was passing before opening it up._

_“Hey Rockstar,” he smirked as his older friend turned to him in shock.  Adam’s clear blue eyes brightening at the sight of him._

-o0o-

His North American tour had just ended but, after the time alone, he couldn’t bring himself to head back home.  His battered heart wasn’t ready to face his wife again.  Not when things between he and Adam were still as bad as they were before.

He felt like his reluctance to be near his wife should bother him more than it did, but it didn’t.  After the first few months he realized that the reluctance had little to do with what happened in London.  Well, it _did_ have something major to do with London, but not in the way he expected it to.

Over the last half a year he’d slowly come to the realization that he felt more for the man he’d come to call his friend than mere friendship.  How much more?  He hadn’t even begun to realize that until the horrible turn of events that occurred in an out of the way alley.

Kris had fallen in love with Adam.  He hadn’t realized it until after _it_ happened.  And that broke his heart more than anything.

As he curl up in bed the first tears he’d shed in months slipped out onto his pillow.

-o0o-

_“Kris?” Adam asked disbelievingly. “Is that really you?”_

_“No, actually I’m Danny. I’m hurt you don’t remember just how much I love and adore you,” Kris joked and Adam actually chuckled. “Do I still get a hug?” Kris laughed as Adam practically tackled him._

_“I’ve missed you so much!” Adam declared. “It’s been forever since we spent any time together.”_

_“I missed you too,” Kris agreed before Adam easily lifted his smaller frame off the ground.  They continued laughing as Adam carried Kris over the threshold of his room and kicked the door shut.  Kris yelped when Adam dropped him back onto the bed before diving onto the mattress beside him, a huge grin plastered on his face._

_“I am **so** happy to see you right now,” Adam admitted._

_“I’m glad for that,” Kris smiled. “Would have been a waste of a trip if you weren’t.”_

_“I mean it. I’m happy you’re here.”_

_“So now what are we going to do?” Kris asked. “I am free for anything you want.”_

_“Well, it’s kinda late right now, so how about I get my stuff and we watch movies like we did during Idol,” Adam suggested._

_“Sounds like a plan,” Kris agreed. “And tomorrow I can drag you around London.”_

_“London?”_

_Kris chuckled. “Yeah London. You know, the one in England?”_

_Adam rolled his eyes. “I figured that much when I got off the plane.”_

_“We can take in some sights and make a day of it. How’s that sound?”_

_“Great. I’ll be right back.” Adam stood up and rushed out of the room while Kris shook his head and laughed._

-o0o-

Kris swiped the card key he’d gotten off of Monte through the lock and opened the door.

Unable to return home and face the woman he’d sworn to spend his life with, Kris had hopped on the first plane to New Zealand he could find.  He did care for Katy.  They’d been in each other’s lives for a long time.  But despite what had happened between him and Adam, despite all the pain and betrayal he’d felt, he knew deep in his heart where he truly belonged.

He stepped inside the room and shivered as he let the door shut behind him.  Wind and rain were blowing in from the open sliding door.  The sodden carpet squelched under his shoes as he crossed the room towards the balcony.  The bed closest to the door was completely soaked as well.

He approached the open door and his heart ached at the sight of the broken man lying in foetal position in the middle of the freezing storm.  Seeing Adam in this state strengthened Kris’ resolve and proved to him that he was making the right choice.

-o0o-

_They had just ducked under an awning in front of one of the closed down shops.  It was evening and the rain was lightly drizzling on the ground.  The two grown men were practically giggling like a couple of teenage girls.  The day had turned out to be fun and Kris had successfully distracted Adam from the funk he’d existed in for the past six months._

_“I haven’t had this much fun in months,” Adam said with a slightly breathless grin._

_“Well,” Kris grinned back. “I’m glad I could be here for it.”_

_“You really are one of my best friends, you know that right?” Adam asked looking a bit self conscious._

_“Of course I do,” replied Kris gently.  He smiled up at Adam. “Just like you’re one of mine,” he replied honestly.  His heart beat stronger at the bright smile Adam gave him in return.  It was the kind of smile that hadn’t appeared in months.  The kind that reached Adam’s bright and vivid eyes._

_Kris’ smile slowly dropped from his face as he watched Adam’s eyes change.  They lost their vibrancy and Adam’s expression changed to one that was rather dazed… almost dreamlike._

_“Adam, are you alright?” Kris asked apprehensively.  Something in Adam’s eyes wasn’t quite right.  Wasn’t quite Adam.  “Adam?” Kris pressed when Adam remained unresponsive._

_Suddenly Adam grabbed hold of Kris’ upper arm in a vice grip and manhandled him into a nearby alley. “Adam?” Kris asked startled. “What are you doing?” In response Adam just slammed Kris back onto the brick wall on one side of the alley. “Ow!” Kris exclaimed as his back and head smacked into the stone. “What’s wrong with you?” Kris demanded angrily.  What the hell had gotten into him? “What the hell man?”_

_Again Adam ignored him.  Kris was about to ask again when Adam’s lips crushed onto his.  He let out a muffled ‘what the fuck’ against the unyielding mouth on him.  Adam used this as an opportunity to shove his tongue into Kris’ mouth.  Kris didn’t know how to react as he felt Adam’s tongue map out the contours of his mouth.  He’d never seen Adam this forceful and domineering with **anything** before.  He couldn’t pull out of the kiss either as Adam was pressing Kris’ head back into the wall, the bruise forming there making him flinch._

_Just as suddenly as Adam initiated the kiss he pulled back from it.  Kris was going to demand Adam to explain himself when he saw the struggle in the older man’s face.  It looked like Adam was warring with an unseen force, trying to push himself away from where he was trapping Kris against the wall with his body.  He watched as Adam managed to push his upper body away a couple inches and look directly into Kris’ eyes.  The emotions in those eyes were almost heartbreaking in their distress. “I’m sorry,” Adam rasped out before the glazed expression returned and he placed another forceful kiss on Kris’ lips._

_Kris couldn’t stop the shaking in his body as he felt Adam fumbling with both their jeans.  He stared into Adam’s eyes, begging the older man not to do what Kris knew was going to happen.  He tried to will his friend to fight whatever impulsion was driving him to do this.  When Adam’s hand snaked its way into the front of Kris’ boxers a hopeless tear sneaked its way down Kris’ cheek._

_“Adam please,” Kris whispered. “Don’t do this.” Adam continued to ignore him. “Please Adam, stop this.” Kris gasped as Adam spun him around to face the wall, pressing his smaller body between the alley wall and Adam’s larger frame.  Kris could feel Adam’s erection pressing against his bared back. “Adam please!” Kris begged with more urgency. “Don’t do this! This isn’t you! This isn’t-” Kris stifled back his words as a slicked finger was inserted into his inexperienced entrance.  It was quickly followed by another, then another, with no time to really adjust to the intrusion. “Oh god,” Kris choked through gritted teeth._

_“Adam…” Kris cried weakly in desperation.  He held back a sob when the fingers retreated and something much larger forced its way past the ring of his entrance and penetrated him completely.  He squeezed his eyes shut at the stinging and sharp pain as the man behind him thrust in and out of him and tried to shut his mind off from what was happening to his body._ ‘This isn’t Adam,’ _he thought to himself._ ‘Adam wouldn’t do this. This is someone else.’ _Tears burned as the streaked down his face, the hard brick wall pressing under his palms, Adam’s hot breath on his right ear._

‘This isn’t Adam,’ _his mind repeated and took up the chant to combat the throaty moans that were infiltrating their way into his ear._ ‘This isn’t Adam. This isn’t Adam. This isn’t Adam’ _He cursed himself when the bundle of nerves around his prostate was hit and he let out a low moan of his own._

_Adam’s breathing was becoming ragged when a startled “Oh god” sounded behind him.  Feeling Adam’s release deep inside him he shuddered out his own against the wall in front of him.  Kris shook as Adam pulled out him and shivered at the cold rain that trickled down his naked skin as Adam’s warm body disappeared.  Behind him he heard Adam stumble backwards and land on the ground.  Kris shakily lowered his aching and abused body onto the ground and tried to control his sobbing tears as he sucked in sharp breaths.  As he leaned against the wall trying to make sense of what the hell just happened he took note of the broken looking man curled almost into a ball across from him._

_He curled up himself and wept in the now heavy rainfall trying to come to terms with the fact that he’d just been raped by his best friend… but was it really his friend?  Or was it someone else?_

-o0o-

Ignoring the rain that was now drenching him as well he stepped out onto the balcony and placed a hand on the Adam’s icy arm.  He took note of the blue tinged lips and shivers in the rain soaked body.  He wrapped his arms around the half frozen man and pulled him into a sitting position.  Adam was so cold that he could barely move let alone hold himself up so Kris half carried and half dragged him into the room, lowering Adam’s larger frame as gently as possible to the floor next to the nearest bed.

Kris quickly shut the sliding door before locating the thermostat and turning the heat right up.  He turned back to where Adam was staring straight ahead as though he was unaware of his surroundings.  Kris paused and studied him.  This blank look was different from the one back in the alley.  This one was incoherent while the other looked more dazed.  Kris thought about what to do as Adam started shaking again and cursed under his breath.

The first thing he did was move Adam to a position next to the dry bed and noticed just how thin Adam had become through the fabric that was sticking to his skin.  Kris could see a few of Adam’s ribs which troubled him.  He went to the bathroom and grabbed one of the large towels form the rack before peeling the clothes from Adam’s body.  He used the towel to pat Adam dry a little and wrapped it around the man’s shoulders and head.  He pulled the blankets back and guided Adam under them before making sure he was completely covered.  Knowing this wouldn’t be enough to combat the hypothermia Kris stripped off his own clothes and crawled into bed next to the man, shivering at the icy feel of Adam’s skin against his own.  He wrapped his arms around Adam and held onto the man like he was going to disappear.

-o0o-

Kris awoke the next morning still holding onto Adam.  He was relived to feel the warmth that was now present where their skin touched, even more so to realize that the heat hadn’t reached fever height.

He studied Adam’s face as the man slept.  He looked so peaceful in sleep and, while he didn’t look old, he appeared even more youthful with the lines relaxed out of his expression.  It reminded him of that time in the Idol mansion.  It only happened once but Kris had unknowingly savoured the memory.

It was the night after the Rock Week performance and Kris was worried.  He hadn’t performed as well as he wanted to and was feeling disappointed in himself.  He was worried that tomorrow night he’d be the one forced to sing his last song in the competition in front of the entire country.  He was so worried that he hadn’t been able to sleep.  Ever since it got down to the final six Kris had had his own room.  Most of his stuff was still in the room he’d shared with Adam, and the two still hung out there every evening before sleep, but after the last room had opened up after the top seven contestant had left he’d taken the empty space.  Unable to calm his nerves he sought solace in the one place he knew he could: Adam.  The older man had held him all night, whispering comforting words into his ear.  Kris had even let Adam kiss him, just once, on the lips.  It was slow and sensitive and meaningful.  Not overtly sexual but stirring in its own way.  He’d calmed down after than and lay with his head on Adam’s chest, listening to the rhythmic beating of his heart.

Kris could sense Adam was waking up by the change in his breathing.  He shifted as he nestled into the warm blankets, cuddling into Kris’s side with a sigh.  Kris couldn’t help but grin.  Even half asleep Adam was a cuddler.

He sensed when Adam fully became aware of his surroundings.  The body next to him tensed for a moment before Adam bolted upright and turned shocked and frightened eyes to look at Kris.

Kris swallowed before being able to form any words.  He was still a bit unsure of how to proceed with the man in front of him. “Hey Rockstar,” he practically whispered.

\- 30 -

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Wow, I was actually worried this wasn’t going to be anywhere near as long as “The Voice” but it ended up almost 1000 words longer. This and “The Voice” took over four days to force out of myself. It was actually easier to write this kind of thing for CSI than it was for Kradam. I care so much about them that this was very difficult for me to type out. I don’t like hurting them. But it was a challenge that I wanted to overcome.
> 
> Kris doesn’t seem to come off as affected by the experience as Adam does but I figure he’s a little farther along in the recovery process than Adam. Also I think that it would be influenced by the fact that it was Adam who did it to Kris. While Kris is making sense of the whole thing and (due to the fact that he realized Adam wasn’t in his right mind at the time) forgiving Adam, Adam isn’t so willing to forgive himself for his failure to fight the force that was controlling him and in turn hurting his best friend in the process. And on top of it all the two are also dealing with the fact that, on some level, they enjoyed the sexual act.
> 
> Also I’d like to point out that Kris gets naked in the end because that’s the best way to share body heat and Adam was suffering from hypothermia.
> 
> Despite the darkness I hope it wasn’t completely terrible. (I don’t want to say, ‘I hope you enjoyed it’ cause these two were hurting, but you get what I mean.)


End file.
